a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
