The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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