The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
