Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
