So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
