Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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