Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
