I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
