It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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