I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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