Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
