He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
