I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
