You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
