I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
