Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
