I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
