I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
