Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
