At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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