i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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