First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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