she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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