No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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