You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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