I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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