I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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