I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
