Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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