She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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