My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
