Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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