mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
