real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
