So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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