I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
