sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
