Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
People in love make me want to vomit
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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