I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
