Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
