He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
