there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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