Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
