why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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