is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
