I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
