weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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