So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
