No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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