your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
