why didn't you poke me back
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
