Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
