You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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