I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
